How to make emails sound livid:
“As discussed”
“I thought we agreed”
“Regards”
“Thanks”
“I was under the impression”
“FYI”
“As per my email”
“With respect”
“Friendly reminder”
“Polite note”
“I was disappointed to…”
“Whilst I appreciate…”
“As I’m sure you’re aware”
You Might Also Like
Woke up at 5am because I rolled over and my foot got too close to my dog and he started barking to make sure me and all my neighbors knew.
The Flintstones will forever live on in our hearts and vitamins
trying to flirt with a waitress and
accidentally writing my phone
number in the tip section of the
receipt and charging 7 billion dollars
to my debit card
I’m like the reverse Goldilocks. I’d lay on a bed of nails and be like, “No, no, this is fine.”
The ‘theme’ of every theme park is the need for more effective birth control.
No thanks, $30 haunted house. I can watch the news and get scared any time for free.
Microwave safe? It doesn’t seem like a sensible place to keep your valuables.
People that don’t speed up when merging onto a highway, who hurt you? Because I’d like to try next
Was just in an elevator with my ex, so I stopped at every floor to show him he was wrong on so many levels.
Therapist: Problem?
Me: I always quote Eminem lyrics.
T: Explain?
M: I can’t tell you what it really is,I can only tell u what it feels like
If the Twitter algorithm actually understood me, my targeted ads would all be wine and sandwiches.
We’d have serious problems if Peter Jackson ever became president. He’d look at World Wars I and II and see them as an unfinished trilogy.
My kids have absolutely forbidden me from getting on Twitter.
So here I am!
Iron Man
Iron Man
Does whatever an iron can
Makes stuff hot
Makes stuff flat
Burns your hand
Burns the cat
Burns the house down . .
Shit!
godzilla: lol KING kong, a little pretentious aren’t we
king kong: oh you’re one to talk
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
It’s called a sports bra bc the actual sport is trying to get it off oneself after a hard workout.
put ur hair in a man-bun. now put ur beard in a man-bun too. congratulations ur now a hamburger. be free, hamburger man.
Dear Tech Support,
I twied to puth my tongue in tha USthB port again. Canth you helpf?
“where’s waldo?” is a fun book that teaches children how to properly stalk a nice man who has done nothing do deserve any of this. an indispensable resource for every young creep
Tween: Mom, can you take me to the mall to go to Abercrombie?
Me: Awe, I used to shop there when I was your age.
Tween: Nevermind.
Don’t ask a pregnant lady “do you know the sex?” obviously she knows about sex she’s pregnant you stupid idiot
My first child will be named New Folder.
He approaches me from behind and wraps his arms around me and I am breathless.
With one firm and quick thrust, he dislodges my food.
The expression should be “seeing things eyes to eyes”. Otherwise you’re suggesting a meeting of the minds between Cyclops
I’ve decided today I’m following the lead of my 2 yr old and I’m just gonna close my eyes so no one can see me.
me: i want to save this document
computer: great, just click save
me: ok i want to save it as something else
computer: easy, save as
me: amazing! i’m gonna save it as a pdf
computer: print
me: i’m here for stabbing lessons
clerk: sir this is a fencing clu—
me: yeah whatever hand me a knife
clerk: …
me: dress me like a beekeeper
Yesterday, myself, Miss 9 and husband were sat on a train in and around a man with a book entitled Surrounded by Idiots.
The guy at the gym said rest days are really important, so I’ve been resting for 6 years.