@TheCareBare

How’m I going to 80’s montage myself out of this one?

You Might Also Like

@TheToddWilliams

My doctor won’t go away. I know what you’re thinking but he has been eating small pieces of apple over many decades to build up an immunity.

@KevinFarzad

A lot of people wonder if u have to choose between a creative career and making money, and I just wanna say stick with it long enough & you can have neither 🙏

@AndyAsAdjective

“I missed you today.”

“Awwww I missed you too.”

*both frantically reload dueling pistols*

@girlontapas

I hate it when I want wine and the wine home delivery man hasn’t been invented yet.

@TheCiscoKidder

Sorry I unfollowed you on Instagram, but you take at least 10 pics of your face everyday. I don’t even look at my wife that much.

@slimmy_shady

For eggplant your guests will love, lightly brush with olive oil, toss in the air and blast that bad boy with your ankle piece.

@ACuppaSte

When I said I like it rough.. I meant sex, not the entire relationship.