@Bunnydurden
@_theigirl Rude lady to me, “Well I’m sorry but you don’t LOOK sick to me.” Me, “Looks can be deceiving. For example, you don’t look stupid.”
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@_theigirl 
@AngelaHelga I’m saving myself for marriage.
Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage.
@AlexBlechman Imagining the Matrix pill scene if Neo bent down and ate the red pill directly out of Morpheus’ hand like a petting zoo goat and Morpheus completely froze weirded out
@StanHels1ng I hate to say “I told you so”, so Im going to sing it.
@EyalTweet Elton John: 🎵Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday🎵
Me: Jesus Christ, we’re just going bowling.
@ItalianBratikus I always eat cake like I’m about to be caught.
@weinerdog4life Is there a class for just the karate noises?
@Marlebean Stealing pillows is not as easy as I thought…
“STOP FRISKING ME
I’M JUST FLUFFY BONED!”
@kristygee I show extra confidence at a job interview by giving a firm handshake before and after every question.
@GuyAdvisor Remember, Kids… If you can’t say anything nice, well, it’s probably hilarious and worth getting into trouble over anyway.