@Bunnydurden

Hugs not drugs. Except, yes drugs and why are you touching me?

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@ChefRonSullivan

House is a mess … Walked in the other day and there were 2 people on the couch blindfolded and filming a Fabreeze commercial

@mrtruthandsoul

Me: …
Dog: …
Me: …
Dog: …
Me: ..
Dog: ..
Me: …
Dog: ..
Me: ..
Dog: ..
Me: …
Dog: …
(Women, take note *ahem* Man’s best friend)

@TurboJellyBean

Her:”my blinkers don’t work I think I’m out of blinker fluid”
Me:”your car doesn’t have blinker fluid.”
Her:”I JUST SAID THAT PAY ATTENTION”

@IamEnidColeslaw

cats are the best because you can pet one while you’re talking to someone and look totally evil

@JennyJohnsonHi5

Today is Star Wars Day, which means we should all reflect on a simpler time in our lives, when Harrison Ford didn’t have an earring.

@RandiLawson

Sometimes I wish I was a mermaid. Maybe then HR would stop hassling me for wearing a seashell bra on casual Fridays.

@Hect0rMayorga

1st girl @ the moon:
– Houston, we have a problem
– What happened?
– Nothing, doesn’t matter
– Come on
– Nothing..
– Tell me
– U should know