@olievl
@rachiecandice Logged into Facebook.
‘Happiness is like a butterfly….’
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@rachiecandice 
@Marlebean Prepare for the zombie apocalypse?
No.
Just bite me and get it over with. I’m too lazy for this crap.
@TheBoydP If you get nervous when the IT support desk takes control of your computer remember they’re whispering “no weirdos please” to themselves.
@shadygrenade Friend: Dow dropped 45 points yesterday.
Me: I don’t follow basketball.
@NickBossRoss You’d think after 12 years of filming Boyhood someone would be like hey maybe we should make this good.
@wolfpupy ever since i put all my eggs in one basket i have received unsolicited egg advice, you dont know my life, you dont know what im all about
@omically “will…”
*Starbucks barista squints at name on cup*
“… the Red Slime Shoddy please stand up?”
*Eminem flips table and storms out*
@CodeineFridge i feel like if the avengers were real we’d really really hate them
@amydillon OTHER KIDS IN RESTAURANT: Restlessly coloring on a placemat waiting for food.
MY KIDS: Have already flipped over a booth & set it on fire.
@cambuslad You know you’re getting old when you scroll down the birthday drop down menu … And it starts going into Roman Numerals.