@sullivnx i identify as a library so can u be quiet around me pls
@radtoria I accidentally answered my phone & panicked when I heard someone say “hello?” so I just did the best I could & made the fax machine noise.
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@sullivnx 
@daemonic3 [waving hands and chasing down ice cream truck] Hey!
“What’ll it be?”
[out of breath] Nothing. Just wanted to tell you I’m vegan
@Matt_The_1st Yes. You rt’d me 14 times in a row. Thanks.
You are first in line for my liver when the time comes.
@panmidwest Having a mustache is a great way to stop people from drawing a mustache on you in permanent marker while you sleep.
@cool_pond replace the chair in the Oval Office w/slightly bigger chair every day for next 4 yrs til trump looks tiny + his feet don’t touch the ground
@Turn2Dude Once I found there was no popcorn in popcorn chicken there was no reason to try pot roast.
@ThoughtOtter Welcome to anxiety club, I really hope more people show up. Maybe there was a terrible accident and everyone that was coming is now dead
@ristolable Every time you get a haircut, you’re essentially returning your last haircut and exchanging it for the exact same thing
@joeislamo Draw me like one of your French Fries.
@oldfriend99 The Queen is crazy if she thinks I’m going to wait until February