@FadeAway2 You drink WAY too much, and you have questionable morals . . .
me talking to myself in the mirror before going out at night .
@mazizkhalifa I accidentally took a woman’s multi-vitamin this morning. I have been trying to get dressed now for 2 hours but everything makes me look fat
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@FadeAway2 
@chetporter *shows up to salsa lessons with tostitos* haha what the heck are you idiots doing
@sheluvhec i hate it when im tryna spell a word and autocorrect can’t either
@reallifemommy3 If you need me I’ll be in the corner crying like a baby because I cleaned the house from top to bottom and then let the kids back in
@Marlebean “If I wanted to see a clown, I would have gone to the circus.”
What I actually said:
“Yes, Claire, you’re makeup looks lovely today!”
@PrinceGreenJr *goes to the park*
*spoon feeds red bull to the ducks*
@shesananteater One day my GPS is gonna say, “You should know this one by now” and shut off.
@Marcmywords2 I texted my ex,
I’m at a cemetery…..
wish you were here.
@WilliamAder Sorry the drone I got for Christmas crashed into your bedroom window.
@StatusInBeirut If you think being a vegetarian will make you thin, I direct your attention to cows.