@OBiiieeee

I almost hit a deer tonight. But then he took back what he said about my mom and we hugged it out.

Back to having zero haters, feels good.

You Might Also Like

@butterwolf

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Marry your enemy. Grow old together. Watch your enemy die.

@DorsaAmir

I’d just like to share that the Farsi word for ostrich is “shotormorgh” (شترمرغ) which literally translates to “camel-chicken”, and no offense to English, but I think we got this one right.

@mraggab_

What I say: I’m on a diet. What my mom hears: please cook delicious food and buy chocolate.

@PaperWash

HAHA! Answer your phone silly. I called you like 18 times.

-I say as I climb through your window

@rasm69

Grab and smash, smash and grab such is time spent in a mammogram

@olivebeerthanks

Amazon is approved for drone delivery…

Which means we now have skeet shooting with prizes.

@markydoodoo

*sees a meteor* I wonder where that’s landing. Maybe if I run fast enough I can get crushed by it.

@SomeChrisTweets

FWD: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: THE DOGS HAVE LEARNED HOW TO EMAIL THIS IS YOUR DOG HELLO SUSAN