@kelkulus

I always sleep naked. I don’t care if it makes people uncomfortable, they can just switch buses.

You Might Also Like

@bdbdleeroybrown

I can still remember the words my father said to me on my wedding night “let’s hope this ones not a whore like the last one!”

@Tharin_P

Brain: he must study-how?
*Hormones raise hand*
H: we could hit him with pimples, kill the social life?
B: *whispers*
It’s for his own good.

@thejamietighe

Stop earbuds from tangling by putting them on then carefully stapling them to your body.

Who’s ready for music?

Not you.

You have tetanus

@MILFWEEED

how do I explain to my gen x parents that the news is something you sit down and watch for 30 minutes and not insidious background noise for the entire day

@mrmxy

This is one heck of a thing to drop on me at 3:30 AM, Google.

@SukhSDubb

Quite possibly the best sign I have seen before the day ends 😂

@causticbob

I was told that exercise helps with your decision making.

It’s true.

After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.

@timdonakowski

When your great-grandchildren call you racist for thinking all monkeys look the same.