@DavidAdt1

I am hoping the next jump in human evolution removes humanity’s desire to find plot holes in joke tweets.

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@RunOldMan

In my town we have little crime and lots of cops which makes me mad because all the good donuts are gone early in the morning.

@weinerdog4life

The instructions for this tent is just a picture of a husband yelling at his wife, that’s weird.

@Kendragarden

Diet tip: If you think you’re hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

@GrantTanaka

If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific

@NicCageMatch

No, please, let me give up my subway seat to your 6-year-old child who must be bone-tired from a life consisting mostly of playing & napping

@FrenulumBreve

Fact: an Owl’s head can rotate up to 840°, before it comes off in your hand.