I am hoping the next jump in human evolution removes humanity’s desire to find plot holes in joke tweets.
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In my town we have little crime and lots of cops which makes me mad because all the good donuts are gone early in the morning.
The instructions for this tent is just a picture of a husband yelling at his wife, that’s weird.
[at the club]
Me: I got the moves
Her: it’s “runs”
Diet tip: If you think you’re hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.
If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific
No, please, let me give up my subway seat to your 6-year-old child who must be bone-tired from a life consisting mostly of playing & napping
A tweet about the Titanic & speech impediments?
Fact: an Owl’s head can rotate up to 840°, before it comes off in your hand.