@Shariv67
@UncleDuke1969 “I’ve got toes in different area codes.”
– Ludacris steps on a land mine
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@UncleDuke1969 
@CherBear162 I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
@StellaGMaddox 5: I cleaned my room.
Me: Great! Do you feel good? Sometimes it makes me feel good when I clean something.
5: No. Next time you can do it.
@Molly_Kats YOU TWEETED 23 TIMES TODAY. RT @realDonaldTrump People ask me what I do in my free time. The answer–I don’t have any.
@KeithAshers Bee hives are like nature’s free piñatas. Except when the candy comes out it chases you and causes anaphylactic shock.
@Midgetspar Just saw a grasshopper jump on cement.
THEY’RE EVOLVING.
@themorris23 I use the word “thingy” when I cant think of the word:
Me- Are you picking up the “thingy’s?”
Wife- …you mean your kids?
Me- Dont judge me
@Smug_Lemur Hello, pest control? Yes, I have these noisy little critters. They got into the snacks, made a mess of the place and keep calling me mom.
@Token_Geezer A woman just told me I should leave twitter if I don’t have anything sensible to say.
She’s obviously a newbie.
@haze103 A couple who are silly together stay together.