@Cheeseboy22

I believe it is important to be an organ donor, which is why I am willing to donate my second chin to anyone missing a chin.

You Might Also Like

@Havish_AF

Imagine you’re fine, minding your own business and then someone offers you a 50$ gift card and you end up spending 400$

@SeanLowe09

I just heated up a delicious chocolate brownie and put some ice cream on top of it & sat on the couch to enjoy it.

Seconds later, Catherine asked Samuel if he’d like a bite on MY brownie.

I faked a smile and gave him a bite.

Soon after, she asked him AGAIN.

I have no wife.

@beefman138

I’m a Twitter guy who is married to a Facebook girl, so I don’t understand how people of differing religions can’t get along.

@TheBoydP

Not to brag but growing up my boys thought a unanimous decision meant whatever mom wants.

@ceejoyner

A solid knife fighting strategy is to move clockwise in increasingly larger circles until you reach a safe running distance.

@CulturedRuffian

Her: I like long walks on the beach.

Me: Is there WiFi?

Her: Where?

Me: The beach.

Her: What?…No.

Me: We should see other people.

@Storminika

My boyfriend just sent me a txt: ‘I think I want to see other people.’ My reply was, ‘You better look out the window.’

@AbbyHasIssues

The cashier told me to have a good New Year like my purchase of oven cleaner and frozen pizza suggests anything else.

@Maxine12333

Unscramble: pnise

If you got spine, you are correct. The rest of you have been on twitter too long.