It’s bad enough that I have to die someday, having my whole life flash before my eyes first just seems excessive
i bet all the girls say “i bet you say that to all the girls” to all the guys.
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Hubs and I didn’t touch our phones at all during dinner.
Mainly bc eating crab legs takes two hands, but still, it felt romantic-ish.
*notices it’s not even 8am*
*been tweeting like a boss…*
*…to 5 insomniacs*
Me: Omg, my legs are like jello!
Trainer: You stood up.
Me: Sooo sore!!
[being strapped into the electric chair] Are you mad at me?
*accidentally uses flash while trying to take pic of funny looking person on the bus*
*makes distant thunder noises with mouth*
I went for a job interview.
The bloke asked, “Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs time?”
“Same as now – in photos and mirrors,” I replied
Who is that walking up my driveway?!
Anxiety in 3…2…1…
“WAIT A SECOND!” *mumbles* “I need to find pants.”
I act really tough for a person who spent $40 on cookies I dont like because a girl scout was crying
911: What is your emergency?
Me: I love you.
911: Hang up.
Me: No you hang up.
Me: This is so us.