
Cryptocurrency sounds like an entrance fee to a mausoleum.
I bet when David Hasselhoff gets too drunk he roams the streets screaming “KITT!” When he can’t find his car.
Cryptocurrency sounds like an entrance fee to a mausoleum.
“Today I’m just going to wear pajamas all day.” – Hugh Hefner ever morning of his life.
After I mow my lawn, I give my neighbor about 72 hours to respond.
*UFO attacks*
Govt: It’s a weather balloon.*UFO destroys Eiffel Tower*
Govt: Weather balloon.*UFO conquers Earth*
Govt: Weather balloon.
Net flips and krill?
– killer whale text
I’m a people person.
Mmmf. Sorry, my mouth was full. Let me try again.
I’m a pizza person.
Me: *taking a family photograph*
Family: Did that guy just steal our picture?
If you ever see me driving slow it’s because I just dropped whatever I was eating.
Vegetarian? Sea kelp.
Cannibal? Seek help.
My friend used a fancy new charcoal soap and now she looks sketchy.