Dig up 200 earthworms. I will tell you about the rest of the prank later
I bet you 5390.24$ you can’t guess how much money I owe my parents.
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You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it.
Turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
Not only are all my tweets stolen, but so are all my thoughts. And everything I say. And my identity. And this baby.
Top 5 things to ditch in 2017
4. People you don’t like
1. The bodies
then why did i get this email
Whenever I drink I turn into Jason Bourne. I can’t remember much, fighting comes naturally, and I have a sudden need to evade the law.
ME: wat if they dont like me
MOM: just be urself
[comes home early in a masive cloud of bees]
ME: WAIT DID U SAY “BEE URSELF” OR “BE
my life really started to turn around once i had a microwave installed in the bathroom
Ninjas owed people money. You don’t get that good at hiding without owing people money.
Your name is Jeff with a G? Jeffg? Ok