McDonald’s Drive thru: Sorry Drive Thru is closed. You can come inside if you want.
McDonald’s: We’re having some technical difficulties and are overwhelmed right now and decided to shut it down.
And that’s how I learned about the importance of self care from McDonald’s.
I can tell Spring is almost here because I’m on the verge of wanting to kill myself but I’d also like to plant some bulbs.
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If I show you a picture on my phone and you start scrolling, I’m gonna stab you.
“Read that again”
No thanks, it sucked the first time.
Me: I took two naps today and was just falling asleep again.
Him: I can think of something to wake you up. *wraggles eyebrows*
Me: Is it food?
“Are you okay?”
Me anytime I meet someone named Annie.
He said he absolutely would not hang Christmas lights today when I asked. Anyway, he’s almost done hanging the lights, they look very nice.
don’t date writers. they will send you their screenplay after a day of talking and it’s like OH now I have homework???
I only like to read about non violent historical events. I’m a pastifist.
I get it fish, my body is also beer battered
The Job Interview:
HR: So you are bilingual?
HR: In your native tongue please.
Me: Ooga Booga