I can tell these edibles have finally kicked in by the way I’m caressing my burrito and whispering “Ay Papi” Into what I’m pretty sure is its ear.

You Might Also Like


Yes I am 45, male and love cats. Recently I posted a selfie. It could be worse though, right? Hello?


I’ve kept my tamagotchi alive for the past 15 years, so yeah Mom, I know what it’s like to raise an “ungrateful little prick”


My 7-year-old daughter asked me twice today “what poison would kill someone the fastest?” and now I’m wondering if I’ve underestimated her.


[second week of being able to talk to animals]
omg you like food I get it


IT guy just called to say “ok, you’re cute” I told him that’s sweet but I don’t actually date at work, he paused for a long time and said the application you asked me about? It’s queued.


Sorry I chased you three city blocks but I wanted to meet your dog


*Job interview

Him: Any special achievements?

Me: Yeah, my tweet got published on BuzzFeed

H: Alright, you’re hired

M: Really?

H: No.


Doctor: I’m sorry, but your Dad’s in a coma.

Teen: Huh?

Doctor: He’s in airplane mode now.