“Police! We have you astounded!”
“Jim, it’s ‘surrounded’.”
“No, I know but look at his face.”
I can’t get out of bed. These blankets have accepted me as one of their own and If I leave now I might lose their trust.
You Might Also Like
I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it’s never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbour using it.
There’s no “u” in narcissist
Went for a run and now I have to find a way to trade my body in for scrap
If I check out your blog, what will you do for me? Love me? Ok fine, but you’re telling my mom we’re going out.
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
Obama keeps trying to get me to kiss this top secret document from Syria but I keep telling him I’m not the kinda guy who’ll kiss intel
Them: Are you the woman who overuses contractions?
I just ran a .003048K
True love doesn’t care about the look or size of your wallet, it’s all about what is inside ….. the wallet.