@justabloodygame

“I didn’t choose the thug life.” I explain, entering an institution of higher learning.

You Might Also Like

@TheBoydP

“That’s close enough…”

~Government worker

@Stellar_AF

me: why do you involve your friends in all our fights

her: “that’s not true”

text from Beth: that’s not true

@squirrel74wkgn

My sense of smell has been gone ever since the, “smell this leftover ham” incident back in 2004.

@TweetPotato314

warden: instead of a last meal you want a movie?

me: yes, a final film

warden: ok, what do you want to watch

me: *smiles wide* the neverending story

[107 minutes later]

me: ok, that’s bullshit

@ericsshadow

Cop: license and registration.

Me: I don’t carry my drivers license so I don’t lose it.

Cop: where is it?

Me: I have absolutely no idea.

@mustyscents

me: ugh i hate subway. worst fast food chain by far

alien I befriended: on my planet there is no word for “hate”

@LindaInDisguise

Me: My weight is up. I really hate winter.

Him: Don’t be discouraged. You’ll bounce back in spring once you shave your legs.

@noog

The Harry Potter series is such bullshit. Like we’re supposed to believe a boy with an invisibility cloak ever left the girl’s locker room.

@Brampersandon_

COWORKER: you got like 8 hickeys. Must’ve been a fun weekend haha

ME (remembering not to talk about octopus fight club): yea it got pretty wild