This is a really bad idea. When do we start?
I don’t blame sharks. If someone walked into my house and started splashing around in my bath, I’d bite their leg off too.
You Might Also Like
4yo *holds out a play cellphone*
It’s for you.
Me: Who is it?
4yo: Someone about an extended warnty.
Me: Son of a ….
her: this isn’t going to work out
me: [mouthful of mashed potatoes] ith id bu-
her: yes it’s because of the mashed potatoes
Every liquor store should sell lemons, limes, and oranges!!!!!!!!!
My 6 year old came into the bathroom while I was using it to tell me she hates it when the dog comes into the bathroom when she’s using it.
Twitter: Where if the chemistry’s good, the geography won’t be..
My husband asked me why I never blink during sex, I told him there just isn’t enough time.
Optimism [op-tuh-miz-uh m] noun
Brushing your teeth before bed, knowing damn well you have a 1/2 sleeve of Thin Mints on your nightstand.
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take,” I whisper to myself as I hit send on that sixth unanswered text