“I don’t care how goodlooking you are if you don’t have any brains.” -Zombies
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Mary had a little lamb. The doctors are all really confused.
The Fat Girl’s Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse:
If you see me running & there’s no ice cream truck in front of me..you should run too.
Detective: The robber broke into the Popeye’s but didn’t take any money, in fact no one has seen him leave.
Me *disguised as a cop*: Weird, right? We should put the fried chicken and red beans and rice in my Corolla for protective custody.
If Tim Horton’s is actually Canadian shouldn’t it be Tim Hourtoun’s?
An old boyfriend hearted my picture on Facebook instead of just liking it, so I was wondering what we should name our kids.
As a child I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.
One of my favorite scientific discoveries in recent years is that among domesticated animals, dogs recognize the difference between themselves and people, but cats just think the people who live with them are terrible incompetent cats
I sent 117 texts and called you 82 times but you must be busy so I came over to tell you the restraining order expired and I still love you!
doc: so how are you feeling
me: awful
doc: *phew* I hate to ruin a good mood
I always dream of being a millionaire
like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.