we have ways of making you talk mr bond
this is dave, he’s a vegan
I don’t get Roomba commercials. Like who spills an entire box of cereal on the floor and is like eh leave it for the robot to clean up
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Each week our panel of 3 celebrity chefs compete to create the ultimate final meal for a death row inmate on LAST SUPPER, this fall on FOX
Birds of a feather flock together, as they are racists too.
This is my first Apocalypse, I don’t know what to wear.
Gonna get “na na na na na na na na” tattooed on my forearm. I’ll tell girls it’s Hey Jude and I’ll tell dudes it’s the Batman theme.
Hey guys! Remember the golden rules this festive season, when shopping in crowded places;
2/Stop for no reason
Being bitten by a radioactive spider made Peter Parker suddenly fluent in karate & gymnastics…you know, just like a real spider.
All of the good tweets are either married or gay.
(Me on trampoline outside your bedroom window)