@clhubes My GPS just made a mistake and the voice said “sorry about that” and then it switched to a different persons voice for the rest of the trip??? Did…the robot…get fired??
@McClaneJohn2 I don’t need a security alarm because I leave all my shoes in a pile inside the front door.
You Might Also Like
@clhubes 
@jesswho82 Oh the world we live in…
@ThatB_OverThere Mom: Want to come over for dinner?
Me: No thanks, already ate
Mom: What did you have?
Me: Peanut butter
Mom: With?
Me: Spoon
@StarWarsProblms Vader: I’ll teach you the Death Star’s power
Leia: By blowing up my planet?
Vader: By showing you a PowerPoint presentation
Leia: NOOO!!!
@StumblerPopular Always…
@Gupton68 Went to the gym for the first time in months. It turns out I’m more ready for exhuming than I am for exercising.
*sees a babe about to walk through a puddle*
“No no, allow me”
*gets on hands and knees and drinks the entire puddle so the babe stays dry*
@fro_vo Abe Lincoln: write this down
Mary: ok
Abe Lincoln: fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth…okay read it back
Mary: this down
@Andee_Stewart *popular kid is struggling in class
*gets a tutor to help
*Kool-Aid
@ChaseMit “Fine, I’m sorry, you win, just, please stop crying.” – my rap battle opponent