The bartender just threw the bottle of vodka in the air and caught it. Maybe next time it’ll turn into a college degree.
I downloaded “ambient coffee shop” track. Just low talking, dish clanking, & one lady yelling “Finn. Look at mommy. FINN. You want a scone?”
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Anyone can recommend a good Hobbit movie?
honey it’s not what you think- we were planning your surprise funeral
Good morning to everyone except those who haven’t had coffee yet.
Home Alone would’ve been over in like 20 minutes if they were able to text.
*looks at you in batman voice*
HER: So what do you-
ME: How fast can you order a pizza?
HER: I don’t-
ME: *hits buzzer* NEXT
[interrupts Pink Floyd]
“Actually, it’s AN education”
We’d like to sincerely apologize for booking the Karate Convention on the same day as the Rare Wooden Boards Fair