I empty the recycling bin on my computer like someone’s actually gonna come along and say “ew gross this bin needs emptied”
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Wait one second “Mario Brothers” Implies that Luigi’s name is Luigi Mario and Mario’s name is Mario Mario….What is this I’m smoking again?
*takes bite of cookie*
Aw man this is awful
*takes another bite*
Still bad. But I better eat the rest to see if it gets better
I do so love when I’m not on twit for a few hours and when I come back there’s something that everyone’s alluding to and I get to slowly piece together what happened like I’m reading the log on an abandoned ship
Whoever speaks at my funeral will probably just look over at my casket and say “well, she was always kind of like this.”
If you put a hot dog in a blender and serve it with whipped cream people don’t ask to come over anymore
“Hey can you take our picture?”
ME: yea sure
*takes picture*
ME: wait sorry, The Flash was turned on
THE FLASH: *blushing in the background*
1980s : average parent ; 4 kids
2016: average kid ; 4 parents
It costs nothing to be kind. But then again, it costs nothing to be a sociopath. So you see my dilemma.
What even happened today?
11yo: why are you doing dishes with your jeans undone?
me: no sweetie. It’s; YAY MOMMY! YOU GOT THOSE JEANS ON!