@SunnyGirl1717
@Kim_pulsive There is no way to differentiate between the screams you hear from mass murder, passengers on a plane going down and 5 Tweens seeing a bug
You Might Also Like
@Kim_pulsive 
@sixfootcandy If you don’t know me, don’t judge me. Unless you’re making me a pizza and you say
“This woman looks like she wants extra cheese.” That’s ok
@HomeProbably When someone asks for advice about dumping their partner, they don’t mean in the woods.
I know that now.
@impaulmccoy “I’m quitting Twitter forever!”
This isn’t Twitter International Airport. You don’t need to announce your departure.
@IamEveryDayPpl Prius and Smart Car owners in my neighborhood got together and banned leaf blowers for safety reasons…
@Thateverydayguy The 4 stage of life:
1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3. You are Santa Clause
4. You look like Santa Claus
@QwertyJones3 What’s that?
“It’s my pet rock.”
Why does it look sad?
DWAYNE JOHNSON: I’m hungry.
@cookie_mumbles That fire is totally ignoring the no-smoking sign
@Smethanie I texted someone “hell yeah,” but autocorrect changed it to “hell year” because even our phones know.
@TheBoydP TV Anchor: I don’t have my Halloween costume yet but it’s going to be cool and wet!
Me: Wow you go girl!
TVA: turning to weather…
M: Oh…