@MiniiG

I fall in love too easily.

Wait..

It’s ditches, I fall in ditches too easily

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@theewren

Stars! They’re just like us! Gaseous and dying

@jus4golf

When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry.

Neither of us has slept in 16 years.

@sheluvhec

i hate it when im tryna spell a word and autocorrect can’t either

@GFGander

Sucks when good bands have dumb names.

“What are you listening to?”

“It’s Made Out of Babies, they’re really great.”

“…”

@Kyle_Raney

“This won’t end well, mark my words.
Mark, my words.
MARK.
MY WORDS! I NEED MY WORDS, MARK!!!”

*Mark sweatily fumbles with the script*

@Boourns83

Turns out hanging out in sewers eating pizza and practicing karate will not make me an honorary ninja turtle..

Now I just smell like shit

@That_Damn_Duck

Imagine owning a dragon…now set yourself on fire, because that’s what it would be like to own a dragon.

Idiots