@wildethingy Me: so I’m delusional?
Doctor: yes.
Me: and you’re a delusion?
Doctor: yes.
Me: I want a second opinion.
Pink Dragon: you’re delusional.
@StanHels1ng I feel so alive when I watch an object fall and shatter into hundreds of pieces. Not alive enough to clean up the mess though.
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@wildethingy 
@DanMentos billy joel: we didn’t start the fire
detective: I haven’t mentioned a fire
billy joel: shit
@3sunzzz [bed]
M: “I’m freezing.”
H: *rolls over, adjusts pillows and blankets, wraps around me*
[1 min later]
M: “I’m hot, get off me.”
@meganamram Cleanliness is next to godliness in a dictionary missing some stuff
@Roweboat13G *boss stops meeting*
Mike, is there something you’ld like to share with the whole group?
Me: Nooooo, that’s why I whispered it to Alan.
@daemonic3 Had sex with a condom tonight.
Maybe next time it will be with a girl.
@5oulhealer When I was little I asked God for a bike. He didn’t deliver so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness instead.
@Cornjerker78 Gecko at McDonald’s crawl through:
I’ll have A Bug Mac, flies & a small snake.
@truegritrumble ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones.
DMV WORKER: I’m not putting that on your license.
@OkieGirl405 Roses are red
Violets are blue
Meet me in bed
To learn something newPfff….poetry is easy