@Stella1070

I feel so envious when I see young mothers pushing their babies in strollers. I want my OWN…..my own stroller & someone to push me.

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@sameralkhoury

I freak out when i don’t see the L and R marks on headphones. There’s no way I’m taking that risk.

@BatBatshitcrazy

My Rice Krispies were speaking in tongues this morning, so I’m pretty sure the end days are near.

@AimeeHelene1

*brings bucket of fried chicken in meeting*
*meeting starts*
*I eat each piece, crunching, licking my fingers*
*touches all the paper work*

@lisaxy424

Sorry I commented “yikes” on that pic of your baby you posted on facebook.

@Marlebean

Being iced in for 2 days gave me the opportunity to get so much housework done!

I didn’t do any of it.
But I certainly had the opportunity.

@OkButStill

(tickling you a little) add me to your cell phone plan dude cmon

@sageboggs

Oh really, Carol? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take you to mind your own business

@TheAlexNevil

I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.

@IHideFromMyKids

My 7yo learned that a seal in French is a “phoque” and like every Canadian child before her, she is enjoying this sweet swear loophole to its fullest