Mickey: ok but that’ll be $20 extra
*Mickey puts on bow and heels*
I gave a co-worker my word today …
And yes, the word started with the letter ‘F’ …
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“I could stay awake just to hear you breathing…Watch you smile while you’re sleeping…”
Aerosmith = Romantic
Me = Restraining Order
what do tooth fairies do with the teeth they collect? what do they know that we don’t? are we getting ripped off
She asked me to buy Tampons so I bought Kotex, because that one time I wanted ice cream and she bought frozen yogurt.
Husband said our electricity bills are too high need to cut back
so I asked him to move.
Is the female equivalent of a douchebag a douchebaguette?
When your 1st kid crawls into your bed, you carry them back to theirs. 2nd kid crawls into your bed, you let them stay because you’re tired. When the 3rd kid gets into your bed, you go sleep in theirs and it’s the best night you’ve had in 8 years.
“you smell good” yeah bro i’ve had a nose my whole life
My wife completely ignores me when she watches Grey’s Anatomy……so I ordered the first 5 seasons.
Grease is my favourite movie about how smoking gets you a boyfriend.