I got 99 socks but a pair ain’t one
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*puts nose where it doesn’t belong
*is caught with hand in cookie jar
*loses head
*makes elbow macaroni
*gets fired by funeral home
Here’s where I leave the earth for good.
Every single cat would kill you if it was big enough. Think about THAT when you are deciding between name brand cat food and the generic.
A lawyer walks into a bar. A lawyer leaves the bar. A lawyer walks into the bar. A lawyer fails the bar because he was drunk.
If I’m ever dangling off a cliff and your hands are full of mikes hard lemonades you better give me one so i can be refreshed on my way down
I was in long distance relationship for eight years with my Mr. before we got married. So, believe me when I tell you, I’ve never missed anyone as much as I miss my cleaning lady.
” Let me be perfectly clear” – My Aquarium
Am I annoying yet? How about now? Now? Now? Now? How about now? Now? Now? Now? Maybe now? Now? Now? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow?
Just realized the girl I flipped off in the parking lot is in my next class.. This could be awkward.
How’s homeschooling going?
I just failed grade 5 math.
Again.