Joke I told my one-eyed coworker today:
Me: What do you call a terrorist who’s missing an eye?
Him: I give up
Me: A terrorst
i got you a candy necklace for a present but then something happened so i got you this string instead
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you know that feeling, as a kid, you’re out shopping with your mom, and
shopkeeper, be like $1,200,
then mom, without shame, be like $17.
so you jump to death from the check-out desk.
An Ohio judge ruled gay marriage legal, as long as the person is dead, proving that the slippery slope now includes gay necrophila.
Dude’s trunk just popped open in front of me on the expressway ramp. I instinctively looked to see if any of you were in there.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.
I wonder if all the other popcorn kernels in the bag freak out when the first kernel pops
911: What’s your emergency?
Me: Hunting accident. I think my friend is dead
911: Can you verify that he’s dead?
Me: Yep, he’s dead
My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.