@wolfpupy

i got you a candy necklace for a present but then something happened so i got you this string instead

You Might Also Like

@StinkyGr33n

Joke I told my one-eyed coworker today:

Me: What do you call a terrorist who’s missing an eye?

Him: I give up

Me: A terrorst

@iamvkhil2

you know that feeling, as a kid, you’re out shopping with your mom, and

shopkeeper, be like $1,200,
then mom, without shame, be like $17.

so you jump to death from the check-out desk.

@TeaPartyCat

An Ohio judge ruled gay marriage legal, as long as the person is dead, proving that the slippery slope now includes gay necrophila.

@jollyrobber

Dude’s trunk just popped open in front of me on the expressway ramp. I instinctively looked to see if any of you were in there.

@LuvPug

Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.

@hurlarious

I wonder if all the other popcorn kernels in the bag freak out when the first kernel pops

@

911: What’s your emergency?
Me: Hunting accident. I think my friend is dead
911: Can you verify that he’s dead?
*gunshot*
Me: Yep, he’s dead

@StanHels1ng

My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.