i got you a candy necklace for a present but then something happened so i got you this string instead
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I think the Ice Bucket Challenge is a giant waste of water *falls asleep in the shower for 2 hours*
You can learn a lot from a woman wielding a knife. For example, your top running speed.
The horror. The apostrophe’s.
They should hire this cat for L’Oréal Commercial.
*shows up to date with horse drawn carriage*
“I’m so surprised!”
Yes it’s a terrible drawing of a carriage but he didn’t have thumbs so
Me: I’m sorry but visiting hours are over
Her: This is our bedroom
Me: You’ll have to come back tomorrow
I wonder if both Wright Brothers were behind their inventions, or it was just one & their mother yelling “Wilbur, you include your brother!”
Husband & me: OMG, he’s doing it!
1yo: *walking*
Husband & me: OMG, he’s doing it!
6yo: *riding two-wheeler*
Husband & me: OMG, he’s doing it!
16yo: *pouring milk into cereal without spilling*
Remember that Pi Day is just a made-up holiday invented by mathematicians to sell you more math.
There were kids who did cartwheels.
There were kids who didn’t do cartwheels.
There were kids who thought they were doing cartwheels.