I guess my least favorite author is probably Hitler

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Boss: My door is always open
Me: I know and it makes it really hard for me to leave work early


“We have a new product, it washes hair but it needs a name”




“Get out!”




Think I nailed my job interview today because I wore a graduation cap to make it look like I graduated high school


It’s a good thing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wore masks, or people might have recognized the 4 giant turtles at their day jobs.


*gets up off bed*

*puts pants back on*

Oh…so you…you wanted ACTUAL tacos then?


Me: So what are you giving up for Lent?

Rick Astley: *tearing up*

Me: oh no


I will not kill my coworkers
I will not kill my coworkers
I will not….

Maybe just one…