@Lisa_Laughs_
@TheHyyyype Hansel and Gretel is a timeless tale about the importance of killing old ladies.
You Might Also Like
@TheHyyyype 
@justabloodygame I’m so sorry for your loss. Your husband is in a better place now.
“B-but he left me for a-”
-A richer woman? I know. Her house is gorgeous!
@IfIwassomething An old natural remedy to soothe a broken heart is rubbing a jellyfish on it.
@Thynebear [phone w/ fiancé]
Hey, I can still pick whatever suit I like for the wedding right?
“As long as its black, why?”
*wearing batsuit* No reason
@Sultani_Sails Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn’t know you did that for fun.
@turbomanatee I didn’t know when your wedding was because you spelled out the date and time like a goddamn medieval sorcerer.
@Midgetspar Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until Creepy Stan from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
@TheAlexNevil I was not prepared for how terrifying this Invasion of the Body Snatchers remake would be.
@dafloydsta I once dated a girl for 3 months because we were stuck in a hammock.
@beefman138 Hi… So do you like really chunky lower legs and stuff? I kick strong!
~ Me, clearly not impressing the girls when I was in High School.