@Crunch11b
@AlisonLeiby When something is boring we shouldn’t call it vanilla. Vanilla is a rich and complex flavor. When something is boring should call it “red velvet.”
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@AlisonLeiby 
@longwall26 Pretty funny that turtles are always in uniform. It’s like lighten up, turtles. The war is over.
@Lisa_Laughs_ We all have our weaknesses. Yours are just more obvious.
@karanbirtinna If I was a movie villain, I’d just make a bomb with all the wires of the same colour.
@TheAlexNevil “You’re unemployed 364 days a year. It’s not that sexy.”
–Mrs. Cupid
@Just__J0 Day 3 of my thirty minute DIY project
@dubiousrhetoric Preowned Jaguar for sale. Beloved family member, excellent shape. Wife forced me to put her up for sale after she (the jaguar) ate the kids.
@OhNoSheTwitnt Saying Trump can’t be an antisemite because his daughter converted to Judaism is like saying he can’t be sexist because he married a woman.
@PopeAwesomeXIII I just hope Matrix Resurrections ends with Neo teaching Agent Smith the true meaning of Christmas.
@MsLisaM Getting rid of my cleaning person sounded like a good way to save money, until it came time to do the cleaning.