@Boleyngirly

I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..

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@DALIA

How many coffees before I stop looking for shirts in my refrigerator

@Burger_Time_

ppl always judge adam & eve for listening to the talking serpent but u never hear a single person say anything about dr doolittle

@Pumpkinbabypie

No, of course I’m not mad.

It’s fine.

*goes home, starts building a Death Star.

@GrowlyGrego

What idiot called it endangered ocean population instead of deficiency?

@chimneyspotter

WAITER: How is everything?
ME: Soul crushing and void of meaning
W: I meant your meal
M: Soul crushing, void of meaning, and needs salt

@twowitwowoo

There are two good reasons never to drink water from the toilet. No 1 and No 2s!

@noog

80’s rap was like being in 5th grade and trying to find words that rhymed with “hat.”

@lejessica

They say treat others how you would like to be treated.

Now I have to go out on a date with a guy and treat him like a princess.

@devonellis_

If Pringles really wanted the fun to never stop they’d make those tube things like 5 feet long.