We named our beautiful daughter after my mother.
Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 22 this year!
I hope people think my toddler has a slight English accent bc we’re so cultured and not bc she’s basically been raised by Peppa Pig
You Might Also Like
Removed my spanx slip and accidentally ricocheted myself into the neighbors backyard.
The best thing about working at my office is that you can literally use as much toilet paper as you want in the restroom.
WHEN CATS ARE SAD
Bartender: What’ll ya have?
Cat: Shot of rum.
[Bartender pours it]
[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]
Just saw a touching BP commercial where BP congratulates BP for doing some of what BP was legally required to do after it wrecked the earth.
Get in, there’s no time to explain.
[opens GPS voice command]
FIND DOGS TO PET
The biggest myth about travel is “packing light” – don’t bother! Light is available from the sun and artificial sources worldwide.
I just found a human tooth and a pair of underwear in my purse. I might be a serial killer or I might be a mom, you’ll never know.
Missing those days when “hemorrhoids” was just a challenging word to spell.