I just got hit head on by a crazy women riding a menstrual cycle.

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Dad passed away several years ago but every Thanksgiving with the family all together I can’t help but think, you lucky bastard.


“You the bomb” “No you the bomb”….- A compliment in America.An argument in the Middle East.


Do a little dance… Drink a lot of rum… Fall down tonight…


Gave this artichoke the heimlich maneuver and now he’s artiokay.


I’m pretty sure all of the 7 dwarfs were named after a stage of Snow Whites’ heroin addiction.


The problem with Quotes on #Twitter is that… it is so difficult to tell if they are Genuine – William Shakespeare


You think your day was bad? I just had a 15 minute long argument with a couch cushion.


When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer.

Or so I’ve been told.

Twice now.