@PopeAwesomeXIII

I just hope Matrix Resurrections ends with Neo teaching Agent Smith the true meaning of Christmas.

You Might Also Like

@FrankCurtisB

When a hot chick puts a pen in her mouth, all kinds of weird shit goes through my mind. Like:

-How’s her penmanship?
-Can she do my taxes?

@Sophie2078

Me: Hey, baby. Want to come over?
Him: No, I’m sorry. I’m contemplating the meaning of life.
Me: I’m naked and alone 😏
Him: We all are…

@tigersgoroooar

not to get all political on here but i’m pretty sure strawberry and blueberry pop-tarts taste exactly the same.

@XplodingUnicorn

Ladies, men will never get what you mean by “I’m fine” unless there’s a crack of lightening and scary music. Even that might be too subtle.

@Darlainky

My lunch consisted of taste-testing 30 opened bags of chips in the pantry for freshness.

@SLNerf_Herder

I just got an email offering “free bible verses”. You know, because who can afford bible verses?

@DiamondLou69

Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out that I’m just after my money.

@HousewifeOfHell

I cleaned the house last month and it’s already dirty again. Life is SO unfair.