@goodgrief_rats

I just overheard someone threaten that they were going to “put their foot down”. What kind of threat is that unless you’re Godzilla?

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@ddsmidt

I never remember names, so name dropping is basically useless around me.

@bees_wingz

I was trying to get the bubbles out of my screen protector and I accidentally bought a horse on eBay.

@tastefactory

I left a trail of rose petals leading to the bed and on the bed was a note that said “This is what happens to roses who cross me”

@CatherineLMK

Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.

@faizziy

There are days & nights where I’m surrounded by profound Darkness, followed by a realisation that I need to stop wearing shades in my house.

@osigat

I’m amazed at the things I find in my undies after a night out. Glitter, matchbook, food & I wasn’t even wearing underwear before I went out