@ddsmidt I never remember names, so name dropping is basically useless around me.
@goodgrief_rats I just overheard someone threaten that they were going to “put their foot down”. What kind of threat is that unless you’re Godzilla?
You Might Also Like
@ddsmidt 
@slimmy_shady Uhh, hells yeah Id like to participate in your brief survey.
@bees_wingz I was trying to get the bubbles out of my screen protector and I accidentally bought a horse on eBay.
@tastefactory I left a trail of rose petals leading to the bed and on the bed was a note that said “This is what happens to roses who cross me”
@CatherineLMK Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
@neuroticagirl Spring is finally here. Time to clean the dog shit in the yard.
@faizziy There are days & nights where I’m surrounded by profound Darkness, followed by a realisation that I need to stop wearing shades in my house.
@osigat I’m amazed at the things I find in my undies after a night out. Glitter, matchbook, food & I wasn’t even wearing underwear before I went out
@causticbob How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
@AndyrealAl Be romantic. Send her a dozen of red flags 🤨