@SonOfCha

I know a guy who doesn’t love Raymond.

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@deloisivete

Kid 1: *super tired, falls asleep early*

Me: *gets hopes up for easy bedtime*

Kid 2: *hold my espresso*

@ElgatoEsmio

If I had a time machine I’d destroy the invention of autotune and say “good luck being famous now you talentless brats!”

@WMcHBg

If anyone ever needs you to explain the difference between Americans and Brits, just send them this.

@WalkingOutside

Shout out to whichever childless person invented toys that erupt in an epic sound and light show when you toss em in the toy box at night.

@XplodingUnicorn

When my 2 y.o. throws a temper tantrum, I suddenly don’t feel so bad about leaving her with massive national debt & a destroyed environment.

@blaha_Who

You don’t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, an you take all the covers with you.

@longwall26

A werewolf is chasing you and you are going to die but he’s wearing TOMS and you can’t stop laughing.