@SkinnieTalls I mean, really though, who hasn’t seen a UFO at this point?
@jordan_stratton I like to intentionally barge into guys wearing camo and then look around bewildered like I have no idea what I just ran into.
You Might Also Like
@SkinnieTalls 
@imence2 “So you think you can dance.” should be the title of a Lifetime movie about strippers.
@thatcarlygirl [cashier training, day 1]
“Be sure to comment on everything a customer buys. They love that.”
@RichBeingRich im always more attracted to women wearing glasses, like deep down i know naturally poor eyesight provides my best chances
@SoVeryBritish British seasons:
Spring: Two months
Summer: Eight minutes
Autumn: Three weeks
Winter: Seven years
@nonchalantnacho Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy.
@LuckoftheDraw86 I dropped my iPhone under the bed once so I get it, moms that lift cars off their babies, I get it.
@Eden_Eats If you’re wondering how lazy I am today, I just pulled a chair up to the fridge.
@LuvPug I adopt cats because I can’t have any of my own.
@Lisabug74 I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.