I like Tweets that are so good that when I send them to FB my old friends won’t talk to me on the phone for a week.

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*I describe my lost cat to the cops*

Sketch Artist: *draws my cat*

Detective Dog: *adds WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE beneath the picture*


Starbucks, where 11 members of staff frantically do things behind the counter, yet not one of these things appears to resemble a hot drink


Protip: Never end a work email with “Let me know if you want to discuss” without immediately leaving the building.


A guy gets hit on the head by a falling soda can. But he’s allright.

Guess he was lucky

*puts on sunglasses*

It was a soft drink



I’m laughing way harder than I should for this image.


Hi Barbara? Yeah I just saw the posters you put up and no, I have not seen your cat but I’d love to. Is now a good time to come take a look?


My toddler’s plan for today is to ‘throw snowballs at all the peoples’ so I’m really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later


It infuriates my wife to see our stuff on the kitchen floor for a few hours but she’s totally fine with a table and chairs being there all year long.


If we’ve learned anything from history…

I’d be amazed.


Sorry I asked, “Is it friendly?” & tried to pet your baby.