Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood
I love how science fiction movies skip right to the fiction part.
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(sheepishly putting my arm around pitbull) so is there a mrs worldwide
[at a funeral]
*approaches the weeping widow and embraces her*
*whispers* “So you’re single now, right?
To the jogger clinging to the hood of my car:
That’s why you run WITH the flow of traffic
Most populated places in the world:
3. United States
5. Friend Zone
THERAPIST: ok…I totally respect your feelings & you sound genuine…but that was just the plot of Jurassic Park
ME: nuh uh
You know you’re old when you see how many women Pete Davidson has been dating and your first thought is “he must be so tired”
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Why are you wearing that outfit again?
Me: Because I paid for it and I have a washing machine
You can tell a lot about a person based on what they use as a gender-neutral singular pronoun.