@ramblinma Parents don’t have “favorites.” We dislike all of our children equally.
@NikiWithIssues I really miss Jake. And Clyde. And Marissa. Gina too. I should stop naming my cupcakes right before I eat them. π
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@ramblinma 
@itsboleva my moms yelling at me bc idk her email password
@jonnysun “building-building building building building-building building”
(translatiom: structur-making tower makimg another structure-making tower)
@rebrafsim Me: [trying to keep a stiff upper lip]
Mortician: we’re gonna need that back
@BillFienberg If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it’s considered responsible.
But if you do that with your gf, it’s called “cheating.”
@clichedout before u buy those shoes online ask yourself if u really want 2 new emails a day for the rest of ur life
@elle91 I saw a man running and started to panic that there was a fire or a bear and then I remembered that some people just do that.
@ThoughtOtter Me at a wine tasting:
*swirls glass*
*sniffs*
*sips slowly*
*stares off into the distance*
…Ah, yes. This is in fact wine.
@PleaseBeGneiss [first date]
HER: I like classic cars
ME: ugh do not get me started on the sequels
@JoParkerBear Twitter: You have 87 notifications
Me: Nice
Gmail: You have 7 emails
Me: Oh FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST