@Smooheed

I saw nothing

You Might Also Like

@mandysparklerxo

You’ll never say “wrong hole” more often than when you’re trying to help a toddler put on gloves.

@LovesSubliminal

I jokingly asked my mom if I was born with a tail and she started acting all weird like someone who gave birth to a baby with a tail

@notacroc

[dinner table]
SHARK: i got the promotion
SHARK WIFE: are you lead sharkitect now?
SHARK: *pushes plate away* my career isn’t a joke, Sharon

@QwertyJones3

Me: You bought 6 bottles of carpet cleaning solution?
Wife: Yes.
Me: We have hard wood floors.
Wife: I had a coupon that was expiring today!

@tealbluejay

I don’t wear a watch because my inner 3yo thinks nothing exists until I get there.

@ozzyunc

Maybe Jesus doesn’t want lettuce to adore Him.

@WetzelGeek

I pick up my dog’s poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

@

I’m offended my cat won’t let me use her as a squishmallow

@Quartzjixler

I think the inventor of the internet likely didn’t intend for it to be used to post videos of simians reacting to humans doing magic tricks.

@ericsshadow

STOP TEXTING ME. IF I EVER PLANNED ON TALKING TO YOU AGAIN I WOULDN’T HAVE BORROWED ALL THAT MONEY.