@rodney_at_large

I saw your link on Facebook.

What happened next will blow your mind…….I didn’t open it.

You Might Also Like

@Rich_McCarthy

Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.

@JosephScrimshaw

Actually Frankenstein was the name of the scientist. I, the person correcting you on this trivial point, am the monster.

@Merman_Melville

(Someone finally shuts off a car alarm)
Philip Glass: (sticks head out of apartment window above) HEY I WAS LISTENING TO THAT

@GoldenSpirals

Ask a man if he’s critiquing your work…

Men Who Are Dating say: No, & compliment you.

Single Men say: Yes

Married Men: Try to hide

@LoveNLunchmeat

You can’t always get what you want, but if you cry loud enough you’ll at least have the satisfaction of making everyone really uncomfortable

@jjhartinger

Co-Worker: You say apparently a lot.
Me: Yes, I know.
CW: It really bothers me.
M: Apparently so.
CW: You don’t care.
M: Apparently not.

@MollyCocktail

When my burger was ready, the clerk called out “867?”

I yelled back 5309.

No one laughed.

I am old.

@notfunnyelle

my best friend is a guy and we have a pact that if we’re both still single at 37 we’ll hunt each other for sport