@TheToddWilliams
@Marlebean As a responsible parent, I gave my kids a healthy breakfast of strawberries w/ milk & a little sugar…
frozen.
OK IT WAS ICE CREAM!
FitFam?
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@Marlebean 
@lovemydogduck Some of my co-workers want to go hang out tonight. Trying to figure how to fake my death and still make it into work tomorrow.
@DurtMcHurtt ME: *posing nude for a painter*
GUY PAINTING MY HOUSE: please sir…I have a family.
@squirrel74wkgn As I exposed my glorious chest hairs & catapulted toward the Velcro wall, I realized that I had no exit strategy.
@VikeeysSecret Aladdin’s love for carpet rides must have saved Jasmine thousands of dollars in waxing fees and razors.
@Sloppy_Tiger Doc- it appears that you take everything way to seriously. You need to get your shit togeth… Oh no, what are you doing! No! Stop!
@MelvinofYork Russel Crowe is my favorite actor named after a misspelled bird but Ethan Hawke is a close second
@Gupton68 If I learned just one thing as a parent, it’s that by the 3rd kid they can be juggling samurai swords and hand grenades and you won’t care as long as they’re doing it quietly.
@JermHimselfish Proper punctuation can be the difference between a tweet being well written and a tweet being well, written.
@QwertyJones3 I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.