@TheToddWilliams

“I set all the cattle free.”

– Reverse Cowgirl

You Might Also Like

@Marlebean

As a responsible parent, I gave my kids a healthy breakfast of strawberries w/ milk & a little sugar…
frozen.
OK IT WAS ICE CREAM!
FitFam?

@lovemydogduck

Some of my co-workers want to go hang out tonight. Trying to figure how to fake my death and still make it into work tomorrow.

@DurtMcHurtt

ME: *posing nude for a painter*

GUY PAINTING MY HOUSE: please sir…I have a family.

@squirrel74wkgn

As I exposed my glorious chest hairs & catapulted toward the Velcro wall, I realized that I had no exit strategy.

@VikeeysSecret

Aladdin’s love for carpet rides must have saved Jasmine thousands of dollars in waxing fees and razors.

@Sloppy_Tiger

Doc- it appears that you take everything way to seriously. You need to get your shit togeth… Oh no, what are you doing! No! Stop!

@MelvinofYork

Russel Crowe is my favorite actor named after a misspelled bird but Ethan Hawke is a close second

@Gupton68

If I learned just one thing as a parent, it’s that by the 3rd kid they can be juggling samurai swords and hand grenades and you won’t care as long as they’re doing it quietly.

@JermHimselfish

Proper punctuation can be the difference between a tweet being well written and a tweet being well, written.

@QwertyJones3

I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.