Why don’t adult cereals come with prizes?
A pill organizer
Post it notes
Vouchers for gas
…And so on.
I should have known a van giving away free cheesy tater tots was too good to be true.
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My superhero origin story began when I was bitten by a radioactive sofa.
No you dumb uncultured idiot, just because I’m an Indian doesn’t mean I use a flying carpet to get around. I use an elephant like everyone else.
Your loss, middle school cheerleading squad. Turns out I’m really good at yelling at people.
Interviewer: have you ever made, eaten or even seen a sandwich?
Interviewer: you’re hired welcome to Subway
Got super excited about a 200 meter butterfly till someone explained it to me.
Doctor: Wow your blood pressure is through the roof
Me: Oh come on it’s not that bad
Doctor: Your eye is literally twitching
Me: *sipping on my eighth coffee of the day* stop being dramatic medicine boi
Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.
*Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes*
Well that sucked.
Yelling “wooooo” when the singer says the name of your town is what separates us from the animals.