I spent a good portion of today sitting in a Snuggie watching Cops. Eventually, they told me to go home and put on pants.

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The Internet: An electronic version of, “Now, why did I walk into this room?”


HILLARY CLINTON: Putin wants a puppet as the US president



If pedicures were called toe jobs, men would get them, too.


I want to re-home a dog. Small terrier, tends to bark a lot. If interested let me know and I’ll jump over next door’s fence and get her


[first day as coast guard]
Boss: 7 people died on your watch today
Me [looking off into the distance]: yes but the coast is fine


BREAKING: Polaroid photo taken. More on this story as it develops.


Just like Hitler with the tiny mustache, Kim Jong-Un is ruining that haircut for everyone else.


I hate when someone sneaks up in front of you when you’re scrolling on your phone


“If I let them stay up late on Friday night, we can sleep in Saturday morning!”

-a strategy that has never worked for any parent, ever.