@Jandalize

I started running today. Also, there is a new mean dog in the neighborhood that interrupted my walk today.

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@markydoodoo

FUN FACT: Canada was once called Moosebekistan. You don’t know. Prove me wrong.

@staticmess

I’ve lost my boyfriend! He’s in one of these browser tabs, somewhere.

@SondraDeeMe

*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*

@mattsurely

Why are you even asking me that mom. I love jumping off bridges, either by myself or as a group, you know that.

@KattsDogma

Lake Erie: Great Lake name
Lake Titicaca: Greater lake name

@Pork_Chop_Hair

I’m not upset that you stopped my sneeze. I’m upset because you made my face look stupid for no reason.

@DancesWithTamis

Let me get this straight. The guy was raised by animals in the jungle with no human contact whatsoever and he named himself George?

@1followernodad

My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I’m the town doctor.

@Amusitr0n

[leaving 5 minute voicemail] …and you can reach me at [deep breath] *says phone number as fast as possible, slurring the numbers together*